Jeg pleier å lese den israelske bloggen Out of Step Jew. Bloggeren skriver stort sett nøkternt om generell politikk og jødisk religion, men produserer av og til skikkelig saftige satiriske innlegg. Her er vedkommendes spådom om de langvarige fredsforhandlingene som vil finne sted mellom EU og den islamske verden etter Muhammed-bråket:

OOSJ exclusive sources have helped us uncover the secret negotiations between the EU and the Islamic world regarding the Danish Mohamed-gate scandal in which a Danish newspaper printed cartoons with the depiction of the alleged prophet Mohamed. During these talks, which centered on a way in which the Arab world would be able to continue to import Danish furniture and cheese while the EU would be able to continue sitting in cafes and in their living rooms, compromises were discussed.

Our sources, from the infamous ever-smart Control division of the Israeli Mossad, tell us that a series of steps have been agreed upon and that there will be a joint EU-Moslem League statement from a press conference in Cairo on one week’s time.

Amongst the steps agreed to were the approval of a regulation by the EU Constituent Assembly that will require a minimum of one anti-Semitic cartoon per week in each of the five major dailies in each EU member state. The cartoons need to take up at least ten column centimeters and one per month needs to be in full color (non-color ready newspapers will have until August, 2008 to install the proper equipment). The themes of the anti-Semitic cartoons will be divided, according to our sources into four categories. The first, comprising 60% of the caricatures need to compare a major contemporary Israeli figure with a major Nazi leader – either Hitler, Himmler, Goering or Goebbels – while 20% need to specifically show a Jew drinking the blood or eating the flesh of a Palestinian child. The 10% should show a Biblical prophet admitting that the Prophet Mohamed’s revelations are more real than their own and the re2_kommentaring 10% need to show the Jews as Christ killers.

This compromise was reached after weeks of intense negotiations where the Moslem League first demanded that crosses be soaked in urine and Jesus be portrayed on stage as a gay man. When the EU explained that this was already de rigueur for western museums and theatres and that adding this to the compromise would improperly mix religion with politics, the Moslems relented.

Using the Jews was a compromise suggestion but did not fully satisfy the Moslem League, however. After intense demands that Europe’s Islamic community be permitted to burn down synagogues at will, a quota of two synagogue burnings per quarter year (according to the solar calendar) was agreed upon in all countries besides Germany. The Germans refused to go along with this since they had already filled their quota during the last century. The Moslem League refused to budge until Austria agreed to double its quota in order to allow the Germans to be relieved from this task. In exchange, the Germans agreed to allow the burning of up to 500 Jewish books per month. After sharp protests by the Olmert government and the Israeli delegation to the Socialist International, all books by Amos Oz were to be exempt from the burning.

Our sources tell us that with this agreement the EU is hopeful that it will again enter the good graces of the Moslem and Arab Leagues so that it can pursue the EU peace plan that was never officially published but was reported exclusively here, 18 months ago.

With this agreement the most serious clash between the EU and Islamic world since the French riots earlier this year will finally come to an end.